someone threw a dead crab at me
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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