I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
