the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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