he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
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