I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
