then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
