I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Randomize
