Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
