thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
ttyl tear gas
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
