Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
