I wanna passion pit in your ass
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
