I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
We need a shit load of segways right now
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
