She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
