we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
porn star boner night. come get it.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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