"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
