we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
