I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
