Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
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