I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I have aggressive nipples.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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