when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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