It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just forgot I was standing up.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
