Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
