I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
