ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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