And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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