My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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