Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
