if i died would you start the facebook group?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
