i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
