pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
