Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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