id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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