Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
