i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
