Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
