Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
