): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
