do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
