Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
