i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Panties = found
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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