her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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