we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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