So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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