perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
