Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
