first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
