"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
