Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
