Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize