So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
