and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
