My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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