am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
