I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
