Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
