Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
