So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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