Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
