life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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