Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
