Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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