Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
