one might say we're banned from that church
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
