if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
