how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
