we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
