Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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