well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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