My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
