I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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