there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
