WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
