dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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