my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
is wine microwaveable?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Randomize
